A Tale of Children and their Candy

Once upon a time there was a family, the Publics. The Publics had a little boy named Bear. Bear was Stearn, but boy did Bear love candy. LOVED it. Especially those gold foil wrapped ones. Anyway, Bear wasn't very good with his candy and finally got to the point where he had very little candy left.

Bear cried when he got home, "MOMMY!!! I NEED MORE CANDY!!"

Mommy came in the room. "Bear? What's wrong dear? What did you do with all the candy you had?" Bear replied, "I don't have it anymore. I had lots, and was even holding some of the other kids' candy too. But you know how I love it so much, and I ate it all! Now everyone wants their candy back and I don't have it! They're gonna beat me up!" Mommy deliberated on the issue and finally decided to give in and give Bear the candy.

A few days later, the Public twins Fannie and Freddie were found crying in their room. Mommy came running up the stairs, "What's wrong children?" "We don't have any more candy!" they replied in unison. "Let me guess," Mommy said, "if you don't get any more candy you'll get beat up?"

They looked at each other. "How'd you know, Mommy?" "How many pieces do you need to not get beat up?" Mommy said. Again they looked at each other. Fannie said, "We need 100 billion pieces of candy. Each."

Mommy (whose name was Connie, short for Congressa) shook her head and sighed. Just at that time, Daddy (whose name was John Q.) walked into the room. "What's the problem, Dear?" "Oh, John. The twins are saying they need more candy." John glared, "Listen, I'm still upset about the twins lying about how much candy they had a few months ago." "I know, I know," Mommy pleaded. "But I'm sure this time will be different, and we can trust them again." John was firm, "I still say no." Mommy grew furious, "Well, I don't care what you say! You don't care about the well-being of our children anymore! I'm giving them the candy - every single last piece!" With that, she slammed the door on him, leaving John in the hall.

A few days later John was walking through the kitchen when he saw Mommy filling their other son crAIG's backpack full of candy. "What is that for?" he asked. "I don't want to hear it, John! This is our son we're talking about!" "But crAIG hasn't even come asking for candy yet..." "This is a precautionary measure, John. If I don't give him this candy he might get beat up one day! I can't see my boy get hurt!"

The next day Daddy noticed some papers on the dining room table. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was a receipt for 700 billion pieces of candy. "Connie! Get in here now!" She came in defiantly with her head held high. "What is the meaning of this!?!?" John said, his face turning red. She answered, "I've done what needed to be done. You'll have to trust me. I wanted to give enough candy to all the children in the neighborhood so that they wouldn't beat each other up and they would start being friendly again," she answered calmly. "But where in the world did you get the money to pay for this?!?" he said. "It wasn't a big deal, You had plenty of money in your wallet." At this point John was ready to strangle his wife. "Connie - don't you see what your rashness has done? When you give a child candy when they ask for it, they're going to ask for more. When you give them more, they're going to ask for even more. Then other kids in the neighborhood will want the same candy that you're giving the kids. Don't you see the pattern?" Connie just stood there dumbfounded.

At precisely that moment, some neighborhood kids showed up in the driveway. The triplets, G.M., Fordy, and Chryssy all filed inside. "So, uh...we heard you had some candy?"

As Connie smiled at them with a wink, John sighed and buried his face in his hands, longing for a divorce and wishing for a new wife.